Sitting here in my hotel room listening to Linkin Park again, waiting on my friend to meet up with me to go to my favorite coffee place. We could go anywhere but for some reason I always have to come back to the same 2 places everytime. I’m predictable and peaceful these days.

Had a great day at clinicals yesterday. We were at my regular unit, so I got to see some of the patients that I have regularly as a nurse but from the provider perspective. Every week just solidifies more and more how glad I’ve chosen this path. I’m getting better at doing psych evals, I’m getting more confident in my decision-making (FINALLY), and I’m getting better at trusting my instincts. I have a few things that I’m focusing on for the rest of the semester to improve, but overall I’m moving in the right direction I think. We saw a lot of interesting patients, and there were very few situations that felt out of control. So it was all good in general. I’m very happy this week. 

A few days ago I flew out to Chicago to see Nine Inch Nails. 

Best decision I’ve made in a while. I haven’t had such an emotionally-rich night in a long time; literally shaking in anticipation for hours before the show, so happy that I’m screaming when the band comes out of the fog and every time one of my favorite songs is played, and feeling like I’m fighting for my life half the time, thrashing around while smashed between like 6 strangers. Sounds so weird but every time I would listen to March of the Pigs or Head Like a Hole I imagined being shoved around in the pit, and honestly it was like a dream come true to experience that for real. I feel refreshed and a little different now. Somehow more fulfilled, a little more like myself again. I’m sad that I waited so many years to do this, but next time I won’t hesitate and I’ll definitely try to see them for more than just one night. I’m going to be thinking about this all the time for weeks. One of the highlights of my life. 

such a great feeling to have jojo fridays back. like putting on a pair of fresh underwear on new years day..?